I try to fill the void, this pit thats grows each day.
Time passes, I step away, I withdraw
The strength I once felt, vanishes
The exhaustion over comes me
I try to sleep but even that gives me no mercy
I toss and turn with endless thoughts, never relenting
I feel empty and hollow
a shell of my former self
I do not know what normal is any more
I do not know anything
I try to put the smile on
to make idle chit chat, that everything is ok
but I am scared and alone and unsure of so many things
I try to understand, I try to reason
but everyday the challenges seem that much harder
I try to think of the future
to imagine this nightmare finally over
but I don’t know what that will look like
it has been to long and my memory fades
I forget what it was like before
before appointments, and blood draws
before screams of pain and bouts of nausea
before jagged bones and sickly skin